25 Months 22 Days and 78,000 Miles Later
Today is Friday, so its time for another picture post, however this one is going to have only one photo and a special spin on it.
So it was on Feb 3, 2007 that I stepped out on a limb and asked the girl that walked into my dreams to marry me. It was a simple scene, not extravagant, but witnessed by the two friends that set us up on our first blind date. When she said yes it became the happiest day of my life and catapulted me into this journey toward everything Japan.
Ayako graduated shortly after we were engaged and had to move back to Japan. It didn’t seem fair at the time, and we weren’t sure what life apart would do. What we were sure of was our resolve - and we were committed. For the first two months Ayako and I barely spoke, she was at her parent’s house and didn’t have internet access. Things were difficult then, but our strength was there.
Soon she moved to Tokyo to begin working and then we finally had good opportunities to chat, and chat we did! Everyday we would video chat before I went to work, and every night we would text chat when she was on her lunch break. It made things easier, but it always felt like we were growing distant by not seeing each other.
So in September of 2007 I traveled to Japan alone for the first time. A one week vacation was all I had available, and we used it up. Being together made a big difference but all too quick we were once again separated. Work and school called me back to the States, and work kept Ayako in Tokyo.
Some doors happened to open for me in the coming months, and what looked like a long and lonely road apart was quickly replaced by opportunity to see each other more often. Over the next 18 months I lived on the smallest budget possible while working insane hours just to save for tickets to fly to Japan. Working 2-3 jobs and attending school was never fun, and I thank God for my roommate and friends for keeping me sane during that time.
It all came together though, as we were able to see each other 3 more times before my graduation at the end of 2008. It was this time that Ayako came to visit me, and for once in almost 2 years we looked forward to only 1 more month apart. That month flew by and Jan carried me to Japan without any strings attached.
And so today I would like to announce to my friends here - that 25 months 22 days and 78,000 miles after we were engaged - Ayako and I by Japanese law, affirmed by her parents, are now husband and wife.
We look forward to celebrating our most joyous occasion with you in the States, September will be here so very soon!
March 27th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Congratulations to the happy couple!
March 28th, 2009 at 10:32 am
“by japanese law”
Will that be accepted by the US?
Wait, lemme start over. That’s so totally awesome you guys. I hoist a drink in your honor. Kanpai!
Okay, back to seriousness. Do you still have to get married in a US court for citizenship, or will this one be enough?
March 29th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Arigatou Gozaimasu!
For citizenship / green card / extended visa for Ayako in the States - there is still much more paperwork to be done. Likewise, for me to stay here longer than the 90 day tourist visa we are still fighting the uphill battle.
The ultimate goal is to get some acceptable freedom of movement for both of us. So that I can stay in Japan longer than 90 days, and so Ayako can travel to the US for longer than 90 days.
Our marriage is casually accepted by any nation as far as I know, however, for any legal things we still have a couple more steps to go through. One of those we will take care of in September when we actually have the wedding ceremony and have a marriage certificate that is translated + notarized.
March 30th, 2009 at 1:58 am
congratulations on ur marriage u lucky bastard i hope its long and full of love
March 30th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I new about this early.
Now that I’m done gloating about it I will say. Congratulations!!!!!!!!
However, Shaye still expects a formal apology in the form of japanese gifts for stealing our Anniversary date from us (her).
I say the more the “marriedier”, sorry, plus now we can remind each other about the big day 10-20 years down the road (when apparently we forget these things and have to run out to a gas station or get into some sort of hilarious predicament in order to get our wives that last minute gift.)
keep on keepin on, and hopefully I’ll get to take that trip to Japan in the next year or so.
March 30th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Thanks Jim - dont make me go to the post office again to send a present =(
ha!
April 2nd, 2009 at 10:29 am
Congrats! Congrats! Wow. I always new you would make a great Mr. Ayako.
But don’t think this gets you out of your American Bachelor Party! There will be much Alcohol consumption and many naked women! WWOOOOHOOOOO! Party over here!
April 2nd, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Thanks B. Ummm… i guess you are in charge of the party huh? I’m sure there will be plenty of AOE2… errrr, i mean alcohol and women.
May 8th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Hey Charles this is Cami, TJ’s girlfriend. I happened to talk to Burn today to say congratz about graduating and I asked him how you were doing over there in Japan and he gave me this link. I have been reading some of the blogs you’ve posted and I’ve taken a look at the pics and video (of the apartment) you put up. I am very happy to hear you guys are so happy and that everything is settling up for you. I wish you the best luck getting all the paperwork done and I hope to see you guys soon again!!
It looks like you are having a great time there, going to so many different places and trying so many types of food…like tounge! Haha, it’s actually not that bad, I have tried it too myself. And it is really cool to hear about things like how smoking works there and to see how things are different, like the bathrooms, for example! When are you going back to the States? Do you miss anything from home at all? How is the weather over there? And who’s this guy B, who wants to celebrate a Bachelor party when you’re already married?! lol
How do people celebrate there? (Sorry about so many questions, it is just interesting!)
I understand how you felt when you had to be so far away from Ayako and had to put up with so many things, mostly because TJ and I have had to go through the same thing. However, it is very nice to see couples like you and Ayako who made it and now are happily together! Married and everything…sharing life together <3 It warms up my heart and gives me enough strength to keep going and never give up. I am convinced that if there is commitment, love, trust and respect on both sides it will work out no matter what.
Once again, I am very happy to hear you guys are doing so well
and I can’t wait until TJ and I are finally able to say that we don’t have to be away from each other, and that we will be sharing our lives…just the way it should be! I wish you the best luck!! Take care 
Cami.
May 8th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Hi Kami!!! Great to hear from you, and to hear that you and TJ are doing good! Thank you for the nice comments, lets see if I can answer some of the questions
B = Bernard, you remember him right? (maybe you asked that question in jest)
You are right, beef toungue isnt bad, just chewy hehe
Well, I had planned on going back to the states this month, but a mixture of visa timing, inability to rearrange my return flight the way i wanted, and the real drain on the bank account that this new apartment had - has forced me to wait until we return in September for our reception and short wedding ceremony. I hope you are around then and that both you and TJ can come to it (TJ will receive an invitation in June)
Here our celebration was a formal ceremony with her parents, and then later that evening some drinking. The celebration was kept minimal for now b/c we are going to have the reception party in the US. Of course I miss some things in the US, but for now I am very happy just being with Ayako - but I know that I’ll have to make special trips to the US about 1 time a year to see friends (LAN) and family =)
Definitely keep the line of communication open, be consistent, and dont give up!!! The dedication that you and TJ show to each other is important. In Japanese I should say “ganbatte kudasai” - You can do it!
Do drop in when you can, I try to update often, and would love to hear from you again =)
May 9th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Oh yeah hehe of course I remember B
I wasn’t sure if it was him though! 
(since it could have been anyone else that I don’t know hehe). I hope I can see you guys next time we’re all in town. It would be wonderful to hang out again!
Japan looks cool
But the most important thing is that you are happy with your love <3 hehehe ^_^ That is just SO nice! I saw you got a job there already. That’s cool 
What do you do? Do you already speak Japanese? Hehe, it must be SO hard compared to English!! I still remember how to say I love you (daisuki) -since you and Ayako taught us- and TJ and I say that from time to time!! It’s just cute ^_^
And yes, TJ and I talk as much (and often) as we can. Communication is VERY important and we are aware of that, so we always do our best. Plus, the time zone is a good thing for us, since he’s only one hour ahead of me (during the spring and summer…around winter time it goes back to normal and it’s the same time here and there). So yes, we talk as much as we can and we are doing good
This situation is just hard sometimes! But we need to keep our heads up and just be patient and make it work 
And seeing couples like you guys is just so rewarding and it gives me lots of hope! 
I will try and read all the blogs you have posted…there are so many of them! But I love hearing about other cultures and differences between them…and also how the visa process works and stuff, since we will be going through the same process when I move there.
I still have a question though
When you say “ganbatte kudasai” is that supposed to mean “The dedication that you and TJ show to each other is important.”? Hehe I will stop by from time to time to ask how to say nice things in Japanese…or maybe how to curse! Haha. I’ve always thought it’s kinda cool to know bad words in other languages, just in case someone insults you…you’ll know what to say! 
lol jk.
How is the weather there? How does Ayako’s family act towards you? Do they like you and stuff, or is it weird there to get married to someone from another country? Is their culture very different from yours? (such as religion, politics and even foodwise!) I read something about discrimination. That sucks
But I hope they don’t make you feel bad or anything, I’d expect people to be openminded and willing to welcome visitors! 
Even more if they are planning on staying there, of course.
Once again, it is good to hear from you and tht you’re enjoying yourself over there. I will stop by later on!! Say hi to Ayako for us!!
May 9th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Wow, quick return!!
) I can’t speak or read very well yet. By the US Dept of State - Japanese is the hardest language for natural english speakers to learn 
so I think I have a couple years before I can really engage in good conversations here.
My current job actually started over a year before I moved here. I’m a web software developer and I work for Innovative Language Learning (www.innovativelanguage.com) which is the parent company of www.japanesepod101.com (as well as a bunch of other language learning sites). I started using their site, then jumped on the team - it was a great fit for me.
Even though I live here, and I work for a language learning company (I don’t teach
ganbatte is from the verb ganbaru which is translated as “persevere” and kudasai is a polite way of saying “please”. So please persevere!
Ooops, I gotta run to the store with Ayako, I’ll post here again with anything I missed
May 11th, 2009 at 1:33 am
Ok, we shopped a lot, had to fill up that refrigerator we emptied before the move haha
Now to answer the rest of your great q’s
How is the weather there? Weather her is just like the Southern States, except it may be even more humid during the summer! We are approaching a rainy season here, and it will be the first time for me to stay her during the full rainy season - so lets see how that goes.
How does Ayako’s family act towards you? Do they like you and stuff, or is it weird there to get married to someone from another country?
Well, her family has been very very supportive. Her father is not extremely traditional. Her father tried to act very strict but it didn’t last very long - which I am glad. Her brother and I get along very well (he visited everyone in the US too - so TJ and Rob remember him). So overall it has been a very warm reception for me. This is not always the case for other couples, and I have even just recently (2 days ago) heard about a friend of a friend here who is secretly dating an American guy - and when her parents found out they strictly forbid it.
Is their culture very different from yours? (such as religion, politics and even foodwise!)
Everything here is very different to me. Christianity is a very small percent (without looking it up I am guessing 1% or less). Buddhism, Shintoism and other religions are claimed, but overall I would suspect that most young Japanese fall into the category of agnostic. Politics is somewhat similar, in that it is democratic, but I haven’t had enough time to research it much. Japan has a really rich history that America does not have, 3000 years versus 200 — there are plenty of differences between the two. FOOD!!! now that is a subject I can whole-heartedly say is one of the best differences here, OMG the FOOD is SO GOOD!!!! (and healthy!)
Expectations for open mindedness have to be checked at the airport before arriving in Japan. Many Japanese are open minded, but I daresay that so many cultural differences exist that Westerners must brace for some subtle shocks in treatment. I’ll persevere, and will become a stronger person because of it.
looking forward to your language questions, even the curse words hehe
May 11th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Aw, thank you for answering all of those questions!! I know there were many of them but I just looooove hearing things from other countries and just life styles and stuff. Especially if it comes from someone from another country cause they can tell me the differences and just some advice for when I go there, cause at a certain point in my life, I wanna go there before I die!! Hopefully when I am still young so I can enjoy more!! Even though if I am 80 and I have the chance to go, I’d take it
Yeah, the food is a huge difference I bet. But it’s a good change for you
I don’t want it to sound mean or anything but people in The US don’t eat well at all!! Just fast food all the time and at the wrong times haha. For me, the most important meal is lunch (and somehow breakfast) and for dinner I just have…whatever. And I try to eat healthy here but everytime I go visit TJ we eat soooo bad!! lol. I am glad you’re enjoying it there though 
I like Japanese food!! Like you said, it is good ANd healthy! But do people there eat weird things like spiders and mice and crocodiles? I know they do in China… 
I am glad Ayako’s family act nicely towards you. I find myself thinking the same thing about TJ’s family. They always make me feel welcome and teach me things about the language and history and all those things (as you know, my native language isn’t English)
And they are just good people in general. That’s crucial in a situation like this!! So having their help has been very important and helpful, and I am grateful for that!!
So when will you become a citizen there, and what do you have to do in order to become one? How long do you have to wait? Are you guys planning on staying there forever, or are you planning on moving to the States at a certain point in your lives? (there I go, with more questions again
sorry!)Thank you very much for replying again and answering everything I asked!! 
I will be looking forward to hearing from you guys and about all of your exciting adventures over there!! Oh and when you learn something cool about their culture or anything in general, I’d love to hear about it 
Take care and have a good night!! (or should I say have a good day? It’s 22:23 my time lol so I dunno) I will talk to you soon!!
May 12th, 2009 at 9:16 am
>>but people in The US don’t eat well at all!
So true, and I still have urges to eat junk food.
Lucky for me, Japanese people do not eat spiders, bugs, rats, cats, dogs, scorpions, monkeys or other very exotic dishes - like some cultures in mainland Asia. (or else I would stick to junk food
)
TJs parents are most awesome indeed, cant go wrong there
I\’m not planning on taking citizenship here anytime soon. In fact, the road to citizenship is not so easy in Japan. Likewise, I cannot claim dual-citizenship like others (Japan does not allow it). For the time being we plan on just sticking with a long-term stay visa.
We do have plans of living in the US for some time, but it may be a couple years from now. Ayako has considered going back to school in the States - and still wants that to be an open option. Flexibility in our future is very important right now.
Oh, and for not speaking english natively, I\’m pretty sure you could fool plenty of people =)
May 12th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
OMG lucky indeed they don\\\’t eat all those (weird) things!! I don\\\’t think I could eat it either!! It all sounds good about the visa and stuff
And it would be cool if you could move back and forth, it\\\’s a great opportunity!! Oh and thanks for the compliment on my English, I do my best 
How do you say \\"the worst thing that could happen to a person is not being able to trust their loved ones and being betrayed by them\\"? Well, something like that…same meaning but it doesn\\\’t have to be literal of course. I understand some things just can\\\’t be translated hehe.
What do you and Ayako ususally do when you\\\’re both off work? Man, I had more questions for you about Japan and life there in general, but I forgot
Next time I think of any I will have to write it down so I can ask you!! Have a wonderful day/night!
May 13th, 2009 at 3:23 am
Hmm…thats a tough one for me, let me work on a translation and post here again later this weekend =) I’ll need to check with Ayako too
Well, we haven’t had a normal weekend in a while since we were previously looking for an apartment and recently just moved in. But I suspect we will watch a movie, go shopping, cook (we love cooking together), visit someplace new, or just be lazy
May 13th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Aw
You guys are so sweet and do romantic things…it just makes me feel happy for you!! And I hope one day I get to do the same 
I will be waiting to hear from that translation!! Say hi to Ayako for me 
Talk to you later!
May 14th, 2009 at 4:04 am
hehe, thanks
I’ll post it here later, promise!
May 16th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Haha alrighty, I will be looking forward to hearing that! Er I should say reading it
since I can\’t hear it 
I am sorry I hadn\’t replied to all of your comments. Thank you so much for sending me the links! I just hadn\’t been around these past few days!
May 17th, 2009 at 8:26 am
the worst thing that could happen to a person is not being able to trust their loved ones and being betrayed by them
loosely translated to:
damasu, uso wo tsuku
cheating, lie - lie
moshi anata ga watashi wo damasu mataha uso wo tusku nara kanke wo futari no kankei wo kowasu.
that essentially says, if you cheat it will break the relationship.
May 25th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Oh, thank you very much for the translation!!! I am sorry I haven’t been around, I hadn’t even noticed that you had replied since I thought you’d send me the replies again to my email, until a few days ago that I was checking and I saw that you did answer again!! And well I have been busy with school finals and stuff so I didn’t really get a chance to sit down and reply again. Yo’re very sweet, thank you so much for your translation!!
May 25th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
No problem =) Just stop by whenever you can, some people only visit once a month